


The Life You Always Dreamt Of

by KyloTrashForever



Series: Oneshots [13]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst and Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Heir Ben, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Pining, Rey the Maid, Skywalker Steel, Time Skips, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), bodice ripper, friends first, smut at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 17:16:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloTrashForever/pseuds/KyloTrashForever
Summary: Ben Solo has always followed his obligations. He is expected to take over his family’s enterprise, Skywalker Steel. He is expected to marry a reputable girl who will make him a fitting wife. He is expected to do as he’s told without question. He had long accepted his fate in this regard, until he met Rey. Her presence in his life was like that of a storm, blowing through his calm existence over the better part of a decade and leaving him wrecked on the other side. She was not his, but if he had his way... she would be.Prompt for the Reylo Summer Fic Exchange for avidvampirehunter.“In 19th century London, Rey is a poor street rat desperate for someone to see her as something more. Little does she know that the mysterious and powerful Skywalker heir has set his sights on on her to become his wife, and will do everything in that power to make her his.”





	The Life You Always Dreamt Of

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avidvampirehunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avidvampirehunter/gifts).



> Top moodboard made by my incredible soul twin [gopherbroke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gopherbroke/pseuds/gopherbroke)!

* * *

 

 _Spring_  

1863

 

“ _Ben!_ Where have you run off to?”

Ben sank further into the low lying branch of the old oak planted on the grounds of the estate. No doubt his mother wanted him to meet someone of importance or answer a pressing piece of correspondence. He was just _bored_ of it all. He was only eighteen- he should be allowed to chase girls and dally with his friends if so desired. Hardly. His mother wouldn’t hear of it. Such a frivolous life was not meant for the heir of Skywalker Steel.

His grandfather had built the company with his own two hands long before his parents had even been thought of- and for years it was nothing more than a handful of men with sweat on their brow and hope in their hearts. That all changed in the last decade. With Henry Bessemer’s breakthroughs in steel production by way of his revolutionary converter, steel was now much cheaper and easier to make and Skywalker Steel had monopolized on the new technology. They were now the second leading manufacturers in Britain, and Ben being the sole heir to the entire company had spent most of his life being groomed for takeover. 

He let out a deep sigh, putting his arms behind his head and letting his leg hang over the side. It wasn’t until he felt his foot connect with something solid below did he realize he was not alone.

“ _Ouch_!” 

Ben leaned over the edge of his perch, noticing a tiny thing of a girl bent over, nursing the bump on her head. She jerked her head in his direction, eyeing his foot with disdain. She couldn’t be any older than ten, with wide hazel eyes and a dusting of freckles across her nose.

“What are you doing hiding up there?” she asked him grumpily. “You almost took my head off with your bloody feet!”

He grinned despite her fiery tone, admiring her spirit. “My apologies Miss, I didn’t know you were skulking about under the tree or I’d have been more careful.”

She snorted. “Wasn’t skulking. Was trying to pick some of those flowers there for my new Mistress.”

“Ah, are you new to the estate?” Ben asked curiously. 

“S’right,” she nodded. “The Mistress bought me off an awful pig of a man. Used to threaten to turn me into stew.”

Ben let out a laugh. “Not a very filling meal you’d make, tiny as you are.”

“I told him as much. Among other things that usually earned me a good smack,” she huffed. “I like the new Mistress much better.”

“She can be quite agreeable when she wants to I suppose,” Ben shrugged. “Tell me, little one. What’s your name?”

“Rey, sir. My name is Rey.” 

Ben gave her a warm smile, liking her already. “Good to meet you, Rey. I’m Ben. I think you and I will be great friends.”

_Fall_

1867

 

Rey heaved the large bucket down the winding staircase, carefully avoiding sloshing any spare bits of water over the side. She only had to scrub the main foyer floor and she would be done for the day, and she was eager to be finished. She had already heard from the other chamber maids that he’d arrived earlier this morning, and all day she’d been hoping to run into him, but to no avail. 

Ben had been gone for the greater part of a year, the longest he’d ever been away from the estate. He’d spent the last year visiting the various factories owned by his family, overseeing the work there and learning the ins and outs of the business from his father. She’d missed him sorely, the only friend she had in this place who treated her like a real person instead of just a servant. 

She scrubbed at the floors furiously, working her brush through the suds and trying fruitlessly not to get any more grime on her skirts. It was pointless- she was not destined to look her best for Ben’s homecoming. She finished her work, the floors gleaming brightly as she wiped her brow. Throwing the brush into the bucket, she stashed it in the corner and quickly retied her hair with her ribbon. Smoothing her skirts, she set out through the main doors towards the spot where she knew she’d find him. 

She rushed to the old tree, the same low hanging branch she could always find him perched on in the late afternoons. She rounded the wide trunk, feeling a sinking disappointment when she didn’t find him in his usual spot. She swept her eyes across the space, thinking maybe she’d missed him. 

“Looking for someone?”  

Rey startled, not realizing someone had snuck up on her. She wheeled around, Ben’s wide grin meeting her. 

She smacked his arm. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“Ah, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t resist. How have you been, Rey?” he asked kindly, pushing his dark hair from his eyes.

“Much the same. It’s been so _boring_  with you gone.”

He rolled his eyes. “If it makes you feel at all better, it hasn’t exactly been fun for me either.” 

“Oh spare me! Yours is the life most people dream about.”

Ben huffed. “This is _hardly_  the life I’ve always dreamt of.”

“How can you say that? You get to travel all over, meet new people, see new things... you have it all, Ben Solo,” she sighed. “You take it for granted.” 

“You’ve been spending too much time with my mother I think,” he teased. “Speaking of time, look at you! You’re growing up on me. What are you, twelve now?” 

“ _Thirteen,”_ she corrected proudly. “As of last month.”

“Ah, how could I forget. If only I’d thought to bring you a present...” he trailed off, tapping a finger to his chin. 

Her eyes lit up. “What did you bring me?”

He laughed, pulling a tiny wooden box from his pocket. He sat it in her open palm, pulling open the top to reveal tiny inner workings of gear. A brass crank was attached to the side, and he gestured to it pointedly, silently telling her to turn it. She wheeled it around, a beautiful melody pouring out of the tiny trinket.

She felt warmth blooming in her chest, her lips curling into a grin. “Oh, Ben. It’s beautiful. _Thank you.”_

He smiled warmly at her, ruffling her hair. “Happy birthday, Rey.”

_Winter_

1871

 

Ben let his head fall back against the seat of the landau, the carriage moving at a pace much too slow for his liking. He was so ready to be _home_. He’d spent the last two years living across the ocean in New York, furthering the companies relationship with the Americans. His mother and father had visited semi regularly, and he’d made a new friend in a loud and boisterous engineer named Poe, but he had missed home. Everything in America was just so _loud_. He would be happy just to have some peace and quiet for awhile. His father had promised to cease his traveling for at least a small while, and Ben needed the break. 

He couldn’t believe it had been two years since he’d seen Rey. He’d missed his feisty little friend. He thought of her skinny form often, her bright smile always waiting for him when he needed it. The house was coming into view then, and he leaned to see out the window. Snow had blanketed the grounds prettily, and once again he thought to himself how good it was to be home.

When the carriage pulled to a stop, he stepped out, not waiting for the driver as he made for the front door. His mother was sitting in the parlor, and she rose to meet him. 

“Oh, Ben! It’s wonderful to have you home dear. How was the trip?”

“As good as ever, I suppose.” He frowned slightly, feeling that familiar bitterness creeping up inside. “I trust father will keep good on his promise this time to let me have a bit of a break before shipping me out again?” 

“Oh, come now,” she chided. “Don’t start in on all that. You just got here. You know your father and I just want what’s best for you. Someday this will all be yours. We just want you to be ready.” 

He blew out a sharp puff of air, knowing arguing would get him nowhere. It never did. “Of course, mother.”

She beamed, pressing a hand to his cheek warmly. “Excellent, now, go on into the kitchen. I had them whip up something for you. You must be famished after such a long ride.” 

He nodded, taking his leave and pressing onwards to the kitchen. A maid was kneeling on the floor, cleaning up a spill that had occurred. Her long chestnut waves fell daintily down her back, and he couldn’t help but notice the slim column of her pale neck as she bent over the floor. 

She heard the scuffle of his boots across the floor, causing her to turn his way. Ben was taken aback by the sight of her. She was stunning, an oval face beset with eyes of bright hazel, a pert nose above full, rosy lips. Her dress, though plain, hugged her slim waist tantalizingly and had Ben’s breath catching. When his eyes tore back upward to her face, he noticed she had broke out in a gleeful grin.

“Ben!” She squealed. “You’re back!” 

His brow furrowed. “I’m sorry— have we met?” 

She rolled her eyes, the motion sparking a memory. “Don’t tell me you’ve lost _all_  your wits in the Americas, Ben Solo.”

It hit him then, the shock of it almost knocking him backwards. “ _Rey?”_

 She nodded. “It’s been awhile.”

“I’ll say.” Hw swallowed thickly, telling himself not to gape. “You look... well— you’re most certainly not the skinny little thing I left behind.”

“I should hope not,” she giggled. “I’m seventeen now after all.”

Seventeen indeed. She’d blossomed overnight and he hadn’t been around to see it. He felt a stirring in his chest that was a foreign sensation, and he quickly brushed it away. “It’s really good to see you, Rey. I missed you.”

She smiled softly, the expression only making her face all the more lovely. “I’ve missed you too, Ben. Now, let’s get you something to eat.”

He followed her further into the kitchen, trying not to let his eyes fall to the swish of her skirts. This was _Rey._  Tiny little Rey that he’d watched sprout up from a knobby-kneed child. Although... she was definitely not a child any longer. He couldn’t help but think to himself that things could only get worse from here, and she could only get better. 

_Spring_

1872

 

Rey tried not to stare at him, she really did. It was only that every time her eyes found his, he also seemed to be looking her way. Ben looked at her a lot these days. Not in the kind way that he had before, but with a new interest that made Rey’s heart race. It made her cheeks heat. 

He sat now at the end of the long dining table, talking quietly with his mother and father as Rey collected their plates. His eyes darted up to meet hers once more, and she ducked her chin to hide her blush. He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes away to answer the question his father had just asked. 

Rey quickly took the dinnerware from the room, her breathing labored just slightly. What was the matter with her? This was _Ben._  The one who by all accounts would be considered her best friend. When he’d returned to the estate in this past Winter she had been taken aback with how different he seemed. He was the same Ben that she’d known and cherished as a friend since childhood, but he somehow now seemed... _more_. 

She had never noticed the way his shoulders filled the sleek tailoring of his waistcoat. Had never truly seen the way his thick locks fell across his forehead in a way that made her want to reach out and touch it. Never realized just how soft his mouth seemed to be. Had America changed him somehow? Or was it _she_ who had changed in his absence? 

She pressed a hand to her racing heart, willing it to calm. The easy air of friendship they’d gained over the last decade had suddenly become strained, and she felt it was all her fault. She couldn’t be around him without feeling flustered. Ben had noticed, his mannerism becoming somewhat guarded whenever he was near. She hated this rift that had formed and she hated it more still that it was her own doing. If only she could go back to seeing him as before, just Ben who made her laugh and saw her as worth more than she was.

 She sighed softly, ambling across the kitchen towards the wash bin to deposit the plates and scrubbing them ferociously. She worked her frustrations out on the delicate china, working them with her towel until they gleamed brightly. When all was done, she dried them thoroughly and put them back in their appropriate place in the cupboard.

Her chores complete, she yawned, feeling tired and deciding to retire to her chambers. She made her way out of the kitchen and down the long hall towards the servant’s wing, rubbing her sore neck and stretching her aching muscles. It had been a hard day today, she’d volunteered to help the Mistress in the garden this morning and all of that stooping had her spine stiff. 

She was almost to the stairs when she spotted Ben rounding the corner, him stopping in his tracks upon seeing her. She went still, nervous suddenly. She hated this feeling, why was she nervous? Before she would have run up to him to chat, or to tease, but now her words failed her. 

He coughed slightly, shuffling awkwardly before speaking. “Headed to bed?”

 She nodded. “Yes.”

“Ah, well, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“I’m sure you will,” she assured quietly, giving a small curtsy and continuing up the stairs. 

She had just reached the top when he called after her. “Rey?”

 She turned, taking in his furrowed brow. “Yes?”

“Just... well,” he started, seeming as if he wanted to say more but sighing defeatedly when he couldn’t. “Goodnight, Rey.”

She offered a soft smile, wishing she knew what he was actually thinking. She tried to staunch the fluttering in her belly, offering him a quiet reply in return. “Goodnight, Ben.”

 

_Fall_

1872

 

Ben sat in the high backed armchair, a finger sliding softly over his lips in thought as he tried to listen to the ramblings of his mother. She was telling him about the progress of their latest ship they’d just acquired, informing him all about its maiden voyage to America. He wanted to be interested, but unfortunately Rey was just outside in the courtyard chatting with the stableboy. He must have been about her age, and Ben felt a surge of jealousy rise in his chest as Rey laughed at whatever the boy had said.

He tried to push it back down where it belonged, but the sickly feeling stuck like tar to his ribs and made him angry. He wasn’t sure at what point he had started to think of Rey as _his_ , perhaps it was their shared history. He’d loved her as a brother and now he knew with certainty he loved her as a man. Her quiet voice haunted him most nights, and he longed to take her in his arms and show her just how he felt about her. 

She’d turned eighteen only a month before, and by all accounts she would be considered of marital age. The thought of her wedding someone else made his chest hurt. The thought of someone else _touching_ her made him want to break something. The stableboy reached over to brush a stray tendril of her hair out of her eyes, and she smiled prettily at him. Ben’s hands clenched into the arm of the chair, the fabric tight under his fingers. 

“Ben? Are you even listening to me?” His mother’s voice rang out, breaking through his inner musings.

“Yes.” He didn’t look at her, still gazing out the window. “I’m listening.” 

“Then you agree that it’s about time you thought about settling down?”

He snapped his head towards her. He had completely missed _that_  question. “Excuse me?”

“As I thought.” She shook her head. “Ben, you’re nearing thirty in less than a year. Your father is not as spry as he once was and very soon you’ll be assuming control of our affairs. We’d like for you to be settled by then, find a good wife that will take care of you. Maybe have a few children of your own.” 

Ben glanced back out the window, his head suddenly filled with the idea of Rey, her belly swollen with his child. His heart clenched tightly in his chest at the image. He cleared his throat, finally replying. “I’ve been thinking along similar lines actually.”

His mother’s eyes followed the path of his where she saw Rey standing outside the window. She frowned slightly. 

“Ben... now, I know you think you fancy our Rey,” she started, causing Ben to look at her defensively. She put up a hand to halt him from cutting in. “I’m not as oblivious as you’d like to think. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

Ben frowned, not liking where this was going.

“Ben...” she continued carefully. “I adore Rey. You know that. She’s a joy to be around, but she isn’t marriage material. A morganatic marriage simply wouldn’t be practical for someone of your stature. You need someone with proper breeding and title.”

Ben scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. What does it matter who I marry? The upbringing of my wife will not alter my ability to run this company.”

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m afraid this isn’t up for discussion. Your father would never allow it. We’ll find you a suitable girl that you will come to enjoy.” 

He sunk into his chair, disappointment coursing through him. He had never been completely excited about his fate in life, but this was the first time he’d openly resented it. He afforded one last glance towards Rey outside the window, wishing for the first time in his life that he’d been born different. 

_Spring_

1873 

 

Rey gazed out of the second story window, using the ruse of cleaning it to stare down dolefully at the scene below in the courtyard. She had heard from the other maids that a woman would be visiting today- a potential marriage prospect for Ben that his mother had arranged. Her stomach was filled with lead as she watched Ben help the woman from her carriage, smiling kindly at her as he said something she couldn’t make out.

The woman was beautiful— a dainty thing with flowing blonde locks that fell in neat curls to her waist. Kaydel. That is what Rey had heard the maids call her. She watched as Ben offered her his arm, her taking it gracefully as they strolled off towards the garden. Rey felt physically ill as she watched them go, knowing that this may be the first meeting of many that would lead to a proposal.

Her innocent attraction towards Ben had caught fire over the last year, burning to the point of pain. Never before had she felt such longing than when she looked at him. It cut her deeply that he would never know how much she loved him. He would be her everything for as long as she lived and she would simply be the girl he’d cared for like a sister.

She slid to the floor, closing her eyes tight against the tears that formed there. This house used to be her safe place— the place she felt lucky to call _home_. Now... it felt like purgatory. She pulled the tiny music box he’d given her all those years ago from her pocket,  letting it sit in her hand. She wound the crank to alow it to play, its music washing over her and only furthering her melancholy. Nothing but suffering awaited her here. One day soon she would not only be serving Ben but his _wife_ as well. Could she really watch them spend their lives together? Court each other, get married... have _children_ one day?

It hurt just to think about it.

There was nothing to be done for it though. Nothing at all she could do but quietly mourn her fate. Rey had been nothing but grateful for all she’d been afforded in life. She was happy to have been blessed with a comfortable home and a loving family to serve. For the first time in her life however, she felt the full weight of her status pressing down on her. For the first time since childhood, she wished she’d been born different.

_Summer_

1873

 

It felt like Ben hadn’t seen Rey in weeks. Every time he passed her in the halls she would scurry away from him, her head tucked low and her eyes never meeting his. He hated this rift between them, hated it with every fiber of his being but hated it more that he had no way of fixing it. 

He had been forced to meet Kaydel several times over the last few months. Ben found her to be a pleasant, well-mannered woman who was as beautiful as she was poised. None of that mattered in the face of the only fact that mattered to Ben.

_She wasn’t Rey._

He found himself trying desperately to run into her throughout the day, fumbling to steal only a moment with her. He was drowning in a sea of obligation and she was the island in the distance, offering sanctuary if only he could reach it.

He found himself making his way across the grounds, heading to the one place where he still felt at home in this prison of duty that had sprung up around him. The tree had once been their special place, and more often than not he lay on that low lying branch, and wishing she would appear to tease him. He _missed_ her. She was always near and yet so far away.

He rounded the large trunk in search of his favorite perch, and was taken aback when he found Rey already sitting there. Her legs hung over the side, swinging idly as she stared vacantly at the ground below. He had never seen her look so sad. She noticed him then, her expression morphing into shock as she scrambled to hop down from her place in the tree. She was trying to get away from him again.

He quickly crossed the space between them, reaching her just as her feet touched the ground and blocking her path.

“Why are you running away from me?” 

“Ben...” Her voice was so soft, all the pain he felt reflected in it. “It’s not that I’m running away.” 

“You are though,” he huffed. "You change course whenever you see me. You barely afford me even the slightest conversation. You act as if you’ve been burned if I happen to brush past you.” He clenched his lips, feeling that sinking feeling in his gut. “I— I _miss_ you Rey. We were friends weren’t we?”

 _Friends_. He hated the word even as it left his mouth. 

“Of course,” she urged, her voice cracking slightly. “ _Of course_ we were friends, Ben. I just... it wouldn’t be proper. How can we be as we were? You are well on your way to a betrothal. It wouldn’t do for you to still be fraternizing with the help. Especially not someone like me. It is better to distance ourselves now.” 

He saw her pain then— knew it firsthand because it mirrored his own. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms. Tell her how much he wanted anything but what she’d just said.

How he wanted to be her _everything_.

He said nothing though, instead staring back at her, his voice failing him. She gave him a slow nod, assuring herself and him that what she had said was the right thing. She brushed past him, waking briskly towards the house. He watched her go, feeling more pain in his heart than he had ever felt before. 

He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, his fingers winding into the strands of his hair as he let out a deep groan of frustration. Was this to be his life? Forever discontent? For what? Nothing that lay ahead was worth the agony he felt watching Rey walk out of his life. 

He couldn’t do it. He _wouldn’t._ It was time to talk to his mother and father. They would listen, or they would find themselves another to take over their enterprise. Ben was through with following blindly. His life was his own and it was time he took what he wanted.

_Fall_

1873

 

Rey sat in the midst of the large hedges that formed a small maze in the center of the gardens. She had been here for well over an hour, unable to move from the spot. This morning had come bearing heartbreaking news. Whispers from the staff that Ben had chosen a wife. It had only been a few weeks before that she’d walked away from him beneath their tree, and she knew then that this day would soon come.

The universe had been particularly cruel to deliver such news on the morning of her birthday, and she’d retreated to the gardens at the earliest possible moment to escape. She had no wish to see anyone today. It was likely she would never want to see anyone ever again. Would he and Kaydel live here on the main estate? Perhaps Ben would build her and their future children a pretty house somewhere else on the acreage owned by their family. She could only pray she would be afforded that small kindness.

A sob escaped her, her chest heaving with the effort as tears fell freely from her eyes. She had never felt so empty— so _hollow._ Her pain was a living entity, clawing at the inside of her chest as if trying to escape. Every breath brought forth a fresh wave of agony. She wondered dejectedly if it would always hurt like this. She could only hope that with time it would lessen. That she could heal. She knew in her heart that she could never forget however, she would love Ben until she died. That was her fate.

She gathered up a cluster of her skirt, bringing it to her eyes to wipe at the tears that blurred her vision. She knew she couldn’t stay here much longer. She had things to tend to. Her duty could not be thrown to the wayside, no matter how much she hurt. She took a deep breath, willing her eyes to dry.

With the sounds of her cries now ebbing, she could hear footsteps approaching. She stood hastily, trying to look as if she’d only been here a moment. She would be in trouble if someone knew she’d been hiding here so long. She turned to try and leave the other way, walking briskly. She had almost escaped when a voice rang out, freezing her in place.

“ _Rey_!”

She sucked in a shaky breath. _No._ Not now. Not here. She couldn’t see him. Simply hearing his voice caused fresh ribbons of pain to slice at her, and she could almost feel them bleeding. Her lip trembled, unable to turn and face him.

”I have work to do, Ben.” 

She heard the sounds of his feet shuffling over the cobblestone, nearing closer to where she sat. “I need to speak with you.”  

“We have nothing to talk about Ben. We’ve said all we need to. I thought you understood? We can’t be friends. Especially not _now_. NOw that you’re—” She swallowed around the lump in her throat, unable to say the word. “It just wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“You don’t understand, Rey. We _can—_ ” he started, but she wheeled around, cutting him off.

“No we _can’t,_ Ben.” Her eyes roved over his perfect face as if for the last time. “I _cannot_ be your friend. Don’t you understand? All you want is someone to make you feel normal but I cannot be that for you. Not when I— when I—”

She couldn’t finish. She couldn’t tell him how she felt. What good would it do? It would only make him feel guilty.

He took a step closer to her, his deep brown eyes regarding her warmly. “When you what, Rey?”

She shook her head firmly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” he said softly, taking yet another step and bringing himself directly in front of her.

Rey hung her head, sniffling as her eyes trained on the ground below, unable to look at him. He put a finger under her chin, tilting it upwards and forcing her to look him in the eyes.

 “When you _what,_ Rey?” 

She sucked in a breath, releasing it slowly before she spoke again. “When I... love you as much as I do.”

He smiled, sighing almost as if in relief. He brought his hands up to cup her jaw, bending down to press his lips to hers. Rey was shocked at first— having expected anything but this. She quickly melted into him, sighing inot his mouth as her hands crept up to fist into his coat. 

It hit her suddenly, what they were doing, and she quickly shoved at his mid section to break away. “Ben— we _can’t_. You’re _betrothed.”_

He grinned down at her. “I am not betrothed.”

She furrowed her brow, and he shrugged.

“At least not yet,” he clarified. “I haven’t asked her yet.”

Rey frowned, not seeing much of a difference. She opened her mouth to yell at him, but he placed a large hand over her mouth to silence her.

“Hush. I need you to be quiet for a moment so I can ask you.” 

He removed his hand then, and her mouth fell open in shock. “What— what are you saying?”

“For the last few weeks I have been quietly breaking off the courtship my parents had set in place with Miss Kaydel. She’s a wonderful woman, and she’ll make someone a great wife... but she was not meant for me. You see, my heart has belonged to another for quite some time. For a long time I was led to believe that what I wanted couldn’t be had. That it was not meant for me. I fed into this lie for far too long and I’m so sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry that it took me so long to do what I should have done the moment I knew how I felt about you. All I can do is promise you that if you’ll have me, I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you.”

He paused then, falling to one knee and holding her hand in his as he produced an ornate diamond ring from the pocket of his coat. Rey gasped at the sight of it, fresh tears springing to her eyes as she struggled to believe that this was actually happening.

“Rey... I love you. I will _always_ love you. Will you be my wife?” 

She struggled to find words against the onslaught of tears that fell freely down her face. She could only nod furiously as she felt the pieces of her broken heart melding back together inside her chest.

A wide grin broke out across his face. “Yes?” 

A laugh escaped her; she had never felt joy like this. “Yes. _Yes._ A thousand times yes.”

He rose, sliding the ring onto her finger before wrapping his arms around her to spin her in place. She laughed freely, so happy in this moment that she feared she might die from the sheer weight of it.

He held her in his arms, her feet dangling just off the ground as she leaned in to press her lips to his once more. For years she had dreamed of doing just this and _nothing_ could compare to the real thing.

When he pulled away, he let her feet slide to the ground as he smiled down at her. “Happy birthday, Rey. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”

She smiled up at him, pressing a hand to his cheek and letting her thumb stroke the skin there. “You did, Ben. You absolutely did.”

_Spring_

1874

 

Ben couldn’t have imagined a more perfect day than this one. Their wedding had been a simple one— Rey had wanted it that way, and he’d been all too happy to oblige. They’d married under the tree where they’d first met, on the same day that he’d first stumbled across her all those years ago. His mother and father attended, having accepted Rey as part of the family months ago after the initial shock of his decision.

It hadn’t been easy to convince them to allow him to make his own choice, but threatened with his resolve to renounce his inheritance, as well as seeing how unhappy the alternative made him, they’d acquiesced fairly quickly. Seeing them together had shown his parents just how right for her she was, and now they swore they wouldn’t have it any other way. All was well for the first time in his life.

She was curled against him in the carriage now, his arm draped around her as his thumb swept idly over the fabric of her dress. He was giddy with excitement at the prospect of finally revealing his secret project to her— it had been so hard to keep it from her all these months. He’d spent a great deal to ensure it would be finished in time and only the week before had he been given the keys.

When the house came into view, he gently nudged Rey, pointing a finger out of the window towards where it stood. She gasped, turning to him with a question in her eyes. He nodded down at her, smiling softly as he enjoyed the excited expression that lit up her face.

“ _Ben,”_ she gasped _._  “Is this ours?”

“It is.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Welcome home, Rey.” 

When the carriage halted, Ben helped her down the steps, minding her dress carefully as she stepped out. She gazed upon the house with wonder in her eyes, happy tears gathering at the corners as she struggled to find words.

“ _Thank you,_ Ben.” Her eyes swam with tears. “It’s beautiful.”

“I intend to give you the grand tour, but that will have to wait. You see,” he informed her, pulling her flush against him. “Since the moment you said I do, I’ve thought of nothing else but showing you our bedroom.”

Rey blushed prettily, looking shy. Ben couldn’t help but smile down at her, his eagerness to properly consummate their marriage leaving him feeling anxious. He took her hand, pulling her behind as they went through the wide double doors of their new home. He didn’t stop to allow her to take in her surroundings, instead marching straight through the main entrance and up the stairs towards their personal chambers. 

It was only when he had her safely inside did he slow his pace, closing the door behind them and locking it. He turned to face her, finding her nervously twirling a stray tendril of hair around her finger as she bit her lip softly. He pulled her to him, pulling that same hand upwards and pressing a soft kiss to her palm.

“I’m so nervous, Ben,” she admitted quietly. “It’s my first time.”

 “Sweetheart,” he soothed. “It is mine as well.” 

She looked shocked, her mouth parting in disbelief. “How is that possible?”

“I suppose largely in part because my life has been nothing but a constant stream of tasks for the last decade, but also because...” He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead, smiling warmly. “For the last several years my thoughts have been filled with nothing but you. I had never even kissed a woman before you, Rey. You will be my first everything, and you will be my last.” 

Rey smiled up at him, her heart soaring at the knowledge that Ben would forever be hers and hers alone. “We can learn together?”

Ben pulled her in for a kiss, his mouth pressing to hers as he enjoyed the feel of her plush lips against his. He’d stolen kisses from her here and there in the months since their betrothal, but never as much as he would like. Now that she was here, and he had her all to himself, his skin seemed to hum in anticipation.  

His hands rested on the gauzy material of her waist, sliding them up her bodice as he felt her chest rise and fall with labored breath. He reached behind, fumbling with the ties of her bodice as he struggled to relieve her of its confines. His head swam with the sensation of her mouth upon his and his hands couldn’t seem to function properly as he struggled to let loose her dress.  

When he felt her tongue dart out to press against the seam of his mouth, he growled low in his chest, his member stirring in his trousers in the most delicious way. He yearned to see more of her, but the damned fastenings of her bodice would not relent. 

He reared back, gazing down at her with heavy eyes as he panted above her. “I’m so sorry for this.”

Her brow furrowed, not understanding his meaning until he gripped the front of her bodice, twisting it in his hands and tugging forcefully. The seams tore apart beneath the force of his hands, splitting wide down the middle as the fabric fell away. Her corset fit snuggly against her heaving bosom, and he made quick work of it as well. He pulled at the the thick seam until it bent to his will, her thin shift beneath coming away with it. The sound of it ripping filled the room as he forced it open.

Rey’s eyes were wide with shock, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her perfect breasts were finally bared to him. He pushed the tattered fabric over her shoulders and down her slim arms, his breath coming out in ragged expulsions as he took in the sight of her naked from the waist up. He pushed her backwards towards the bed, easing her down atop it as he pulled at the bundle of skirts to free her from them, finishing his task by relieving her of her shoes.

When she was naked beneath him, he could only stare at her in awe. She was _perfect._ He ran a hand down the length of her ribs, skirting over the soft swell of her hip and down the fullness of her thigh. Her eyes were dark with desire, their normally bright depths now stormy with lust as she watched her husband drink in the sight of her.

“Ben,” she teased. “I feel so exposed when you are still so very clothed.” 

He grinned wickedly down at her, kicking off his shoes and reaching to rid himself of his vest and waistcoat, eager to feel his skin pressed against hers. When he was left in only his trousers, Rey sat up from her place on the bed, her small hands smoothing over the hard planes of his chest. She leaned to press a kiss over his heart, and he shuddered against her mouth as his blood heated further.

His hands slid down her back to grip her full backside, pulling her against his loins. She gasped as she felt his hardness pressed against her mound, and he thrust his hips further into her warmth and causing her to moan. Her mouth found his, her opening for him as his tongue explored her warmth.

“Finish undressing me, wife.” 

Her tiny hands fumbled to undo his trousers, her fingers skirting over his rigid length and causing him to shudder. When she finally managed to unfasten him, she pushed the fabric of his trousers down over his hips, and he took over to finish relieving himself of them. When there were no more layers left between them, Rey’s eyes dropped to his thick hardness jutting between them. She swallowed heavily, tentatively reaching to run her fingers down his length, causing a shiver to course through him.

He grasped her hand, pulling it away as he leaned her gently to her back. He crawled over her, the heat of his member weighing heavily against her thigh. He couldn’t help but thrust gently against her, unable to focus save for the feel of her against him.

He let a hand slide down the flat of her belly, pressing through the neat thatch of dark curls between her legs to dip into her wet folds. Rey squirmed beneath him, her back arching from the bed as Ben’s fingers slid through her slick heat to find the taut bud at the apex. He pressed into it, using her responses to find what rhythm best brought her pleasure as he familiarized himself with her body.

When she was panting beneath him, her hips moving wildly into his waiting hand, he increased his ministrations. He ground into her with his fingers, his own breath coming out in sharp rasps as he watched his wife come undone beneath him. She found her release beautifully, her mouth parting in ecstasy as her eyes fluttered prettily. A soft cry escaped her, and Ben relished the way her body trembled beneath his touch. He felt powerful in the way he had brought her such pleasure.

He leaned into her, kissing her soundly as her arms crept over his shoulders to wind around his neck. He broke from her, gazing down at her and reveling in the loving expression in her eyes.

“There may be a small amount of pain, but it will fade quickly I promise.” 

She let her fingers trail through the hair at his nape, smiling softly as she pressed another kiss to his mouth. “I want this, Ben. I want everything with you.”

He let his mouth fall to hers once more, lining himself up to her entrance as he gently pressed into her warmth. He groaned into her mouth, the feel of her around him more than anything he could have possibly imagined. He stilled when he reached the inevitable resistance, pressing his lips firmly to hers before forcefully breaking through and burying himself to the hilt. She winced, shutting her eyes tight against the pain she felt and he kept perfectly still to allow her to adjust to him.

It was agonizing— being seated deeply within her and having to keep so still. He needed to _move_. He held back, needing her to be ready. Wanting her to enjoy this as much as he was. When she finally opened her eyes, her expression had relaxed somewhat, and she gripped the hair at his nape.

“It’s alright, there is barely any pain now,” she whispered. “I want you to move. _Move,_ Ben.”

He wasted no time, sliding out of her slick heat almost completely, holding for a moment before pushing back in. She shuddered around him, and he repeated the movement with a little more force. He moaned above her, filled with an ecstasy he’d never known. There would never be anything better than what he was feeling right now, with Rey.

He quickened the motion of his hips, thrusting into her with more force as she writhed in pleasure. He snapped against her over and over, her legs wrapped around his waist as he felt hot pressure building inside him.

“ _Ben_ ,” Rey cried out. “I— I’m going to—” 

“It’s okay, Rey,” he breathed. “Let _go.”_  

His head fell to rest at her neck as he felt her find her release. She spasmed around him, her heat cinching him tightly and pulling him deeper inside. He felt the heat that had been building bubble over, his breath labored and heavy as his thrusts became erratic. His vision blurred with the force of his climax, his pelvis flush with hers as his seed filled her.

Ben collapsed on top of her, struggling to catch his breath. Rey’s hands smoothed over his shoulders, stroking his back warmly. She pressed heated kisses to his jaw, whispering sweet words into his ear.

He raised up on his hands, propping himself up to gaze down at her. She had never been more beautiful than she was in this moment, and he felt an overwhelmingly sense of gratefulness at having found himself here, with her. He pulled out of her, rolling to his side and pulling her to his chest. He let his hand trace the length of her spine, her head tucked just beneath his chin as they basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

He felt Rey chuckling softly against his chest as she spoke against him. “Well, Ben Solo— is  _this_ the life you always dreamt of?”

Ben smiled against her hair, remembering his words from so many years ago. “No, Rey. It’s _better.”_  

**Author's Note:**

> Ending moodboard by the lovely and talented [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite/pseuds/Azuwrite)!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kylotrashforever)!  
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